Messed up? A Word on Apologizing….
What is your worst, toughest, or on the flip side, most rewarding experience? Share with your Peers!
Yes, been there, done that. We all mess up. We’re human! It’s not always easy to get along with everyone all the time. Sometimes we hurt people’s feelings without intending to. Sometimes, we’re deliberately mean and we feel bad afterward!
It doesn’t always mean you are a bad friend, but it does mean you probably ought to apologize if the friendship means anything to you!
So we apologize. Maybe? Sometimes we get defensive somehow trying to justify things…. “Yes I overreacted but she sort of brought it upon herself for being just stupid.”
Apologizing is tough. Sometimes it feels like we are letting our guard down, leaving ourselves vulnerable, giving in and up a bit of pride. The ego gets in the way!
What is an apology supposed to be?
An apology is supposed to tell someone that we’re sorry for the hurt we caused — even if we didn’t do it on purpose. It’s a way of saying we’re aware of what we did and we’ll try to do better in future.
Why apologize?
Apologies are a tool we use to build good friendships and relationships. When You say “I’m sorry” (and really mean it), You show compassion and care for the other person’s feelings and state of mind. You let them know You care about them being happy.
More so, You’re also saying that You respect the other person and You care about his or her feelings. This is where apologizing shows You have empathy.
After apologizing, You might feel a little better or if nothing else relieved. The other person probably will, too. When You apologize in a caring way, You can feel good because You are trying to make things right again and move beyond whatever situation was the issue.
Examples of apologies
There are many ways to apologize. Here a few examples:
– “I’m sorry about the mean thing I said to You.”
– “I’m sorry I lost Your book. How can I make it up to You?”
– “I was mad, but I shouldn’t have called You a name. I was out of line. I’m sorry.”
– “I’m sorry I hurt Your feelings.”
– “I’m sorry I yelled at You.”
– “I’m really sorry I pushed You when I was mad. That was wrong. I won’t do it again.”
You apologized. Then what?
Well, really then it is up to them. The other party. This is the vulnerable part I was talking about. You apologize but it is absolutely up to them to accept Your apology. DO NOT get mad or indignant if they don’t. Do not pressure them!
They might need some time to get over the whole thing and if You really mean Your apology You need to be willing to give them time. If it still isn’t enough, sometimes it just isn’t, You all need to move on. Maybe time will help heal things, but sometimes it does not.
I know that is not a happy note to end on but it is the truth. All You can do is Your part and really that is what an apology is about… doing Your part of showing care and respect. If it is not reciprocated it is out of Your hands.
Have You had a tough experience with an apology?
Did You have to apologize or did You receive an apology that was difficult to deal with? What did You do?
Share! Share! Share!
Resources:
http://kidshealth.org/CookChildrens/en/teens/apologies.html?WT.ac=ctg#catgood-friends
